I-DENT-TITY CRISIS

WANTING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE IS SUCH A WASTE OF THE PERSON YOU ARE !!!
- CURT COBAIN

Why are we constantly trying to be like someone else,look like someone else, act like someone else? Like the Bard himself proclaimed" All the worls a stage ane we are mere actors".....I think this is the case with many of us.......

Well, as for me, lemme be honest about it, I still remember of the days when I thought Vonn Trapp family and their kids were the coolest, loved their lives, wanted to live their lives, daydreamed that I was one of them....was searching for my MARIA, the Governess....Mid school led me to believe I was all of the charecters straight outta the pages of Enid Blytons mysteries and boarding school stories

Grew through my high school days thinking Madonna had the coolest attitude in the whole wide world and I wanted to dress like her, act like her, even think like her......say all those feminist statements she did....look down upon men....in short, she turned me into a typical bra burner types.....

Then down the line i got bored of her and started getting inspired by Lady Di, I cut my hair short like her, practised her smile in the mirror, believed I would do charity like her (ashamed to admit it, but i didnt do a thing on the charity front)........

Then there were those adolescent days with sudden bombardment on knowledge of the opposite sex and the days "BASIC INSTINCT" was the talk of the town, it was very cool to be a Bad Girl, so I started believing that getting an acquired attitude like Sharon Stones would really be fun. It would be hilarious to watch those poor lil boys fumble and go weak in their knees....Miserable bunch of girls we were...all we wanted to do is get a man to drool and then before he tries to get dirty, show him the cold shoulder.....it was fun to break their tender hearts....oh..men can be such fools....little did we realize that we were greater fools!!!!!

We were a trio, Rachana, Swechcha and myself....and it was the time when F.R.I.E.N.D.S started the sitcom trend in India.....we started believing that Rach was Monica, Swech was Racheal and I was the lovably silly Phoebe.....the more we believed we were like them, the more we acted like them........... and the more we acted like them the more we wanted to be like them.......so there goes, another bunch of wannabes.......

Then came Business School and with it a slight seriousness of choice of Role Model, most of the ambitious girls in the college were all floored by the sucessful career women, and as there was a famine of good looks and business accumen in the corporate world those days(or perhaps we werent very aware those days), we started adopting mannerisms of Hilary Clinton, or Sushma Swaraj.

Passing out of B-School and two jobs through it was Kiran Majumdar Shaw, never emulated her in the sense of dress or mannerisms coz i believed that I was better in those aspects, so it was more about wanting to achieve the goals like her, the reason for idealizing were purely Intangible this time....

Two years of marriage and a stuck up in a shitty job( will definately move on to a better one, i believe that) .......and my role model remains Kiran Majumdhar Shaw, still want to start my off something on my own, even if my skills may be confined to being a florist......but the reason has moved beyond frivoulous reasons like wanting to look like her.....the reason is skin deep now...

But I guess for most of us our earliest memory must be of trying to emulate our parents or at least one of them, and trust me, for most of us that wish lasts a lifetime...

Finally one last thought after all this.......WHO AM I?....Just want to say....

WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP!!!!!