Dilemma

Hey……. Wish you all a very happy new year…… Its been long since I even visited this site leave alone posting blogs…..This new year I have resolved to be more active with my blogsite, as a result of unemployment by choice, (no, I wasn’t given any pink slip)…but inputs might be a little slow coz as unemployed as I maybe, I am definitely not “jobless”….ask any women with a 6 month old toddler to take care of and you’ll know


It is that time of the year again when people make excuses to boost their spirits with “The Spirit”, just because they have made resolutions to abstain from alcohol….resolutions and excuses for reveling because of the resolutions……the promise of discipline to one self gives an excuse for breaking the rules before the pledge is brought into action…..it is almost like last few hours of freedom…..well, 31st December, 2008 was one such occasion for Gans…..Before you jump to conclusions about me policing my husband around with threats of abandon if he doesn’t quit alcohol, let me tell you that this was purely a promise he made to himself and I in this context was merely a witness of sorts to the agreement made by the two parties, my husband and himself……

On the said day, he said to himself aloud….today is the final day…I shall savour the all the joy the cans of beer might bring to my taste buds for in a couple of hours my tongue would be barren of this elixir…..and we went over his friends home for a nice quite private party carrying a dozen cans of the beverage as it was our contribution to the celebration….upon reaching we handed the “the elixir” over to the hosts as one might guess , to refrigerate( Gans likes( oops! Liked) his beer really chilled)…..in the meantime we decided upon putting our respective toddlers to sleep so that we would have no intrusion of toddling kinds ……the task which we hoped to be done with in half hour was a marathon one and apparently took us an hour and a half……finally as the two twits turned into sleeping angels Gans’ friend announced that the beer was waiting to be gorged by Gans…….bringing out the cans one by one I saw my husband downing one can after another….. to my astonishment he was well past his capacity….. “the moment of truth” had come….it was time to tell him to stop…..but he understood my apprehensions and assured me of his sobriety …..he pleaded with me not to ask him to stop as afterall he had only 2 more hours to go before the day ended……I agreed, but not before warning him not to make a fool of himself in an inebriated state……next thing I knew , he was quenching the thirsty saplings outside the house with the water retained in his body that was waiting to gush out with urgency…….I was flabbergasted…….I admonished him for not using the shiny white bowl built for the purpose……but it seemed that my displeasure made no meaning to him, for he continued to prance around in the state of happiness that he was in and out of the blue , he grabbed my arm started waltzing with me to the beats of the music that was playing, embarrassed as much as I was, this sudden display of affection caught me off guard…..and all of a sudden I saw a child in him …the naughty twinkle in his eye…..the endless songs he sang for me, those puppy dog expressions….that adorable tilt of head that exposes vulnerability……that immense love for me in his eyes….and last but not the least the endless attention he was paying me……

The clock struck 12 and we wished each other happiness and prosperity and a few phone calls later, he retired on the top portion of the house where the men has made arrangements to sleep, and I was with the women busy tending to the infants who we had well forgotten for a couple of hours……

At Dawn, we were getting all ready to leave to our respective homes, all somber and fresh….exchanged pleasantries with friends and as we were returning, I told Gans that I had a lovely time last night and wished he would throw me such excess attention once in a while so that I really felt special….he smiled at me and said, “I let go of all inhibitions last night dear, because I let the alcohol hit me. That’s why such public displays of unabashed affection…..but, that doesn’t mean I love you any less, alcohol just lets me express my feelings in a more animated manner….but now that I am letting go of alcohol, there might be little or no occasion where I behave like such a love fool…..”

That made me reminisce……I was so happy with Gans’ resolution prior to last night, but now I do have second thoughts as my need for attention has suddenly become more than his need for “ The Drink”…..You winsome, you loose some…..

PS: Still hoping he gets back to social drinking, and I get my dose of attention once a month at least…..Yes, I am evil!!!!!!!!